Scene: The Papal Residence, Vatican City. Pope Francis, wrapped in a blanket, sits in a grand chair, coughing lightly. Enter Pope John Paul III, played by John Malkovich, with a solemn but intense expression.
Pope John Paul III:
Francisco… (pauses, tilts head) You look like death warmed over.
Pope Francis: (weakly smiling)
Ah, Giovanni… You have the subtlety of a hammer.
Pope John Paul III:
And yet, I bring wisdom, not nails. (leans in, steepling fingers) Listen to me, Francisco. The antibiotics—they are synthetic, unnatural. They strip your gut like a Vatican vault during a scandal.
Pope Francis: (sighs, rubbing temples)
Yes, yes… the doctors insist—
Pope John Paul III: (raising a finger)
Doctors. Hmph. Always treating the symptom, never the root. You need real medicine. (pulls out a small, handwritten list and reads in his deep, deliberate voice)
Garlic—stronger than any Swiss Guard. Pomegranate—blood of the fruit, for your blood. Citrus—lemon, orange, lime—the holy trinity of Vitamin C.
Pope Francis: (chuckles, coughing slightly)
You sound like an herbalist from the streets of Buenos Aires.
Pope John Paul III: (ignoring him, continuing with intensity)
Oregano, onion, basil—God’s own antibiotics. Turmeric—golden, sacred. Elderberry—black as sin, but it fights like an archangel. Green tea—wisdom in a cup. Ginger—fire for the lungs. Rosemary—smells like salvation. And cinnamon… (leans in, whispering) the spice of saints.
Pope Francis: (raising an eyebrow)
You memorized all this?
Pope John Paul III: (deadpan)
No. I wrote it on my sleeve. (pulls up sleeve slightly, revealing scribbled notes)
Pope Francis: (laughing weakly)
Alright, Giovanni. Suppose I eat all these. I still have to take antibiotics.
Pope John Paul III: (grimacing, nodding reluctantly)
Fine. But then you must fix the damage. (leans closer) Fermentation, Francisco. Fer-men-ta-tion.
Pope Francis: (smiling, humoring him)
And what is your prescription, Doctor John Paul?
Pope John Paul III: (counting on his fingers)
Sauerkraut—Croatian grandmothers swear by it. Yogurt—Greek, Bulgarian, doesn’t matter. Kefir milk—drink it, feel reborn. Kimchi—spicy, yes, but fire purifies. And miso soup—the monks in Japan live forever on this.
Pope Francis: (nodding thoughtfully)
So you want me to eat like a Croatian farmer, a Korean monk, and a Japanese samurai.
Pope John Paul III: (shrugging)
Would that be so bad? (pauses, then softly) Francisco, you are the Pope. But even a shepherd must take care of his own body, or he will not be there to tend the flock.
Pope Francis: (sighs, smiling warmly)
Alright, Giovanni. I will try.
Pope John Paul III: (nodding, satisfied)
Good. Now… (reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small jar and placing it in Pope Francis’ hands)
Pope Francis: (peering at it)
What is this?
Pope John Paul III: (grinning slightly)
Homemade Croatian sauerkraut. Extra fermented. You’ll thank me later.
(He turns and strides out of the room, his robe billowing slightly. Pope Francis watches him go, shaking his head but smiling as he opens the jar and takes a cautious sniff.)
FADE TO BLACK.
Pope John Paul III, concerned about Pope Francis’ advancing age, releases a list of the best telomere supplements, hoping to slow down the aging process and extend his papacy.
The Vatican’s Official Telomere Longevity List:
TA-65 – A well-known astragalus-derived compound believed to activate telomerase.
NMN (Nicotinamide Mononucleotide) – Boosts NAD+ levels for cellular repair and longevity.
Resveratrol – Found in red wine, known for its anti-aging properties.
Fisetin – A powerful flavonoid that removes senescent cells.
Coenzyme Q10 (CoQ10) – Supports mitochondrial function and energy production.
Pterostilbene – A stronger, more bioavailable version of resveratrol.
Vitamin D & K2 – Essential for immune function and cellular aging.
Magnesium Threonate – Boosts brain health and cognition.
Berberine – Mimics the effects of metformin, promoting longevity.
Omega-3 Fatty Acids – Reduces inflammation and supports cellular health.
Pope John Paul III insists, “If we can slow down telomere shortening, perhaps Pope Francis’ papacy can last a little longer—God willing.”
Pope Pius XIII, Lenny Belardo, sits across from Pope Francis in the papal gardens, sipping a cup of green tea with a knowing smirk.
“Holiness,” Lenny says, “you must try this. Green tea extract—EGCG, a miracle. It lengthens telomeres, extends life. You could shepherd the faithful for decades more.”
Pope Francis chuckles, shaking his head. “And where did you read this, Lenny? On the internet?”
Lenny leans forward, eyes sharp. “Science, Francis. Real science. Green tea. Vitamin D. Resveratrol. And, of course, prayer. I have my own list.”
Francis takes a sip, humoring him. “So you believe you can stop time?”
“No,” Lenny replies. “Just delay the inevitable. The Church, after all, is in no hurry to meet the end.”
The two popes sit in silence, the scent of tea leaves in the air, the weight of eternity on their shoulders.
Dr. Luka Kovač, ever the pragmatic ER doctor, leans against the counter of a hospital break room, arms crossed, watching as Dr. Eric Berg sketches a telomere on a whiteboard.
“So, telomeres,” Berg begins, tapping his marker on the board, “are the protective caps at the ends of our chromosomes. Think of them like the plastic tips on shoelaces. When they shorten too much, the cell stops dividing, aging accelerates, and disease risk increases.”
Luka nods, arms still crossed. “And you believe we can stop this process?”
Berg smiles. “Not stop, but slow it down. Green tea extract, Vitamin D, fasting—especially intermittent fasting—activate certain genes that enhance telomerase, the enzyme that repairs telomeres.”
Luka rubs his chin, skeptical. “So you’re saying I can keep a 20-year-old’s cells if I drink green tea?”
“Not exactly,” Berg corrects him. “But if you lower oxidative stress, avoid sugar and processed foods, and increase nutrient density, you can delay cellular aging significantly.”
Luka sighs. “Sounds nice in theory. But in the ER, I see patients who don’t have the luxury of sipping tea and fasting.”
Berg nods. “True, but prevention is key. Medicine shouldn’t just be about fixing broken bodies—it should be about keeping them from breaking in the first place.”
Luka raises an eyebrow. “You ever work in an emergency room, Dr. Berg?”
Berg smirks. “No, but I keep people out of them.”
Luka chuckles, shaking his head. “Touché.”
God, in His infinite wisdom, has provided natural remedies to aid in healing, and ripe bananas, rich in nutrients and easy to digest, can be a gentle support for the body in times of illness.
Ripe bananas contain vitamin C, which helps boost the immune system, and potassium, which supports hydration—important for those suffering from pneumonia. Their soft texture makes them easy to consume, even when appetite is low. While they are not a cure, they can be part of a healing diet alongside proper medical treatment, prayer, and faith in Christ’s divine mercy.
“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Yet, in His goodness, He has given us both spiritual and earthly nourishment.
May the Lord bless all who are sick and bring them healing. Christus vincit, Christus regnat, Christus imperat!
In a grand, dimly lit hall of the Vatican, Pope Francis’ cardinals gathered in solemn discussion. Their crimson robes fluttered as murmurs filled the air about a mysterious new directive.
The grand doors creaked open, and Nurse Kate Beckinsale strode in with an air of authority, her pristine white uniform contrasting with the deep shadows of the chamber. With the precision of a battlefield medic and the poise of a queen, she addressed the assembly:
“Your Eminences, the age of synthetic poisons is over. The time of natural healing has arrived. You are hereby ordered to report to Christus Rex’s cyber nurse for natural antibiotics.”
Some cardinals exchanged uneasy glances, whispering about this so-called cyber nurse. Was it an AI, a divine creation, or something beyond human comprehension?
One bold cardinal stepped forward. “Nurse Beckinsale, what exactly are these natural antibiotics? And who is this Christus Rex?”
She smirked, her dark eyes gleaming. “The true healer of mankind. Your bodies have been tainted with the sorceries of Big Pharma for too long. Christus Rex restores health as it was meant to be—pure, divine, and unstoppable. Report immediately, or be left behind in the era of sickness.”
A hush fell over the room. The Pope’s advisors knew they had no choice. One by one, they rose from their seats, ready to step into the unknown…